A Barf

Hellos evyone. Todai mum did give me a barf! Let me tell yoo wot appened.
All week she haz been sayin Hamish you duz need a barf but yoo iz too big now to go in the kitchen sink so yoo mus hav one upstairz. I duz not fink much about this, only that there duzzn't be a barf upstairz or enywhere else in our ouse so i fink she mite be kiddin me.

Todai started like eny uvver day, we duz get up, I duz go in the gardin to leave sum pee mail and she duz ave her brekfast. Then we duz go upstairz so she can ave her shower and get dressed and we can go walkiez.
She duz say cum ere Hamish and I fink Huh? She duz take my coller off and put it on the bed. This iz my cue to ide under the bed where she cant get me. She duz call me and call me but I iz not that stoopid, I know summat iz rong.
Mum duz sey Oh well and I fink she haz given in but she haz my toy puppy in her hand and she duz be playin wiv it in front of me. I just edge a liddle closer to play wiv the puppy and she duz grab my scruff and duz frow me in the shower!!!! I duz be outraged but she duz get in az well and shutz the door. Then she turnz the shower on me! It duz be warm water not hot and iz a bit nice until she usez the champoo wich duz smell strongly of roobarb! She duz rub it all in and then duz wosh it all off again. Then she duz rap me in mi towel and duz rub me dry. I duz elp a bit by rubbin myself on her bedroom carpet and makin it all wet.
Just when I fink it all over, she duz turn on the airddryer and duz dry me wiv it!
Den the best bit, she duz take me to the Park where I duz no I can role in foxez poo. I duz find a nice juicy bit and duz role and role but sadly for me it woz all dry and I didnt get any on me! I duz still smell of roobarb!
Tomorro I duz be goin on my hollibobs to the kennelz for the weakend, I spect there will be sumfing nice to role in there!
Now i no wot happenz wen it iz barf time, like mum takin off my coller I will no to run and hide sumwhere better than under the bed!